In February 1992 Bernice Wagner and I decided to have a go at being partners for life. For 19 years we loved, supported and defined each other. In February 2011, Bernice died of a pulmonary aneurysm. The loss of her love and support was devastating, but her memory still defines me. I will always be the person I became because of who she was and how she loved me.
At this point, memories of Bernice bring as much sadness as joy. I’m still sifting through the guilt and anger surrounding the circumstances of her death. But grief is a process. My hope is that my process, my journey, will bring me to a place where the memories will revive some of the joy we had in the making of them.
So Run For Your Life is about completing the journey that Bernice and I started together. The New York City Marathon will be the first dream I have realized without Bernice by my side. In Launch Pad I said I would celebrate the big run with her. But it will be more than celebrating a dream fulfilled; it will be a milestone in the grieving process.
One of my Bernice-supported dreams was having my own running blog. I wanted to dedicate it to the everyday, middle-of-the-pack runners and fill it with their stories. I am thrilled to be doing that now, but the loss of Bernice has changed things. I am still all about running, but I’m also about grieving. Currently I’m participating in grief counselling groups and visiting grief blog sites. I intend to share some of these experiences with you and I hope you will feel free to do the same.